i promise to trust people more

But my point is, if you don't fail, or don't allow yourself to fail, you don't become a better person. You become a more rigid person. More brittle. More uptight. And because you don't allow yourself to fail, you have no empathy for other people when they fail. You don't have room for it, because you can't give yourself the leeway to imagine failing.

More of this truepenny's post here.

I will remember this next time I get a C.

----*

I don't know where the hell I'm going to get 150 women. Swear to God, I'm half contemplating randomly asking people in Ateneo and making a fool of myself.

Y SO RANDOM THESIS.

But wasn't this the plan in the first place?
</lj>

*facepalm*

----*

( On the Virtu (again) and different kinds of obssessiveness. )

----*
( Addendum issues. )

There really is a lot of support going for Obama right now, if I understand the situation correctly. And though I am not American, or maybe precisely because I am not American, I am a little afraid that events have now been set up in such a way as that too many hopes are pinned on him, first black president and saviour or the United States' economy and all that jazz. Bush left him with a garbage pile of shit, everybody knows that, and realistically speaking, 4 years isn't going to be enough to clean up what's happened.

Cynical, much?

But aside from that, I'm really happy that he's inspired so many people to make a change. Not just anybody can do that, and I commend Barack Obama for being able to spread hope around America.

Also /b/ is now O/b/ama. Yeah yeah, even 4chan is paying tribute, though if I've read enough posts about christfags and moosefuckers to last me for a life time.

----*

( Stuff from the Mirador. God why can't I get my hands on youuuuuu. )

I swear to God, when I'm working and have my own credit card, I am going to buy the shit out of Amazon and drown in all the books I want.

MWAHAHAHAHA.

I don't know whether this comes before or after I move into my own apartment. But hey, this is so going to happen.

----*

Since we're on the subject of commercialism at its finest, I was at Galleria the other day, lookin' around and eye-raping the Macs and the books and the clothing I will never fit into, when I come across this literal horde of boys sitting in the center and playing cards. And when I say cards it's not even the normal deck with aces and kings and queens. It's those Magic the Gathering type of cards that have the weird rules and stuff, not unlike the Pokemon trading cards that were so popular back when we had yet to reach puberty.

And you know what I thought?

I do not have enough estrogen to stick through watching one single game. Seriously. Just passing through that crowd made me feel like my breasts were shrinking. Or maybe like I was growing a penis.

I exaggerate, but you get my drift.

----*

ETA: 

APPARENTLY FULLY BOOKED DELIVERS TO MY DOORSTEP NOW.

KAKAKAKAKAKAKA.

The only problem now is:

Work with me, delayed gratiication. WORK WITH MEEEEEEE.

( Bookwishlist I KNOW will reach the minimum )

That I am 10 seconds away from going to Powerbooks and specially ordering The Mirador and Corambis. The moment I do that, I will know that I have leveled up from Bookworm to official Booktapeworm. Next stop is full-fledged Book Virus, in which I will build forts inside my room made out of, you guessed it, books.

I hate him so much I bristle just thinking about him. I hate Edward Cullen so much that I can't stop swearing. Like I told Solo, I want to kill chickens and bathe in their blood, after which I will weep for the intellectual demise of my gender for reading such TRITE and BRAINLESS fiction.

So what if she's successful? That doesn't mean ANYTHING. Harry Potter was also successful but it is never in its life going to receive a Nobel prize for changing the face of literature. Twilight is no exception. Kudos to Stephanie Meyer for writing a book that made a lot of girls read, but don't go around thinking that she's a great writer because 1 million screaming pre-pubescent girls now want to marry Edward Cullen. The masses like Wowowee and Big Brother. The masses like to eat greasy McDonalds hamburgers and watch Gossip Girl and Jack TV during their spare time. All of these point to the fact that the masses are not reliable indicators of great literature, food or tv shows.

Stephanie Meyer is not a hack. She is a clown. She's a good clown, I'll give her that, but a clown is a clown is a clown no matter how you look at it.

Fuckin A, if I wanted. a clown, I'd hire the Joker instead. At least he KNOWS he's crazy.

Lately I've been feeling 80% depressed (I would have said 100%, but then I am reminded that no, my chest is never depressed (it actually needs to be repressed MOAR!) so I subtracted accordingly). I feel lethargic, I am in bed most of the time, and I just don't feel right doing anything even though I know work is going to pile up if I don't get my ass in gear.

Well you know what?

Fuck this inner sadness. Fuck it so hard it cries afterwards. My hormones can just go to hell.

And my face. MY FACE NEEDS LIPO.

[/period rant]

----*

Last week, I was on a rock rampage (mainly The Eagles, with a little bit of The Offspring and Hot Action Cop thrown in the mix) but because my mother requested some musicals, I have now gone Broadway/classical piano (compounding my inner sadness to the tenth power). My Recently Added playlist is now teeming with old time fan favorites Phantom of the Opera, Evita and Moulin Rouge and random Maksim and Rahkmaninov (God I feel so cultured just typing that name. I can't wait for someone to ask me 'So what are you listening to?' and I go like 'RAHKMANINOV' and see their blank stare and feel GREAT SUCCESS).

It's almost like that time when I started downloading Rammstein just to pump up my street cred even though I didn't understand anything they sang (except for Amerika, but I still didn't get it because I liked to make a fool of myself by copying the accent and then singing it in ways that might make every German, dead or alive, cringe).

Also, I am making Ella watch Code Geass, in the hopes that she will appreciate the trainwreck effect as much as I have. I am now counting the number of episodes it takes her to realize that Rolo is warped and maybe gay for Lulu, Lulu is a siscon, Suzaku is Anakin turning into Darth Vader, all the women are there for the boobage and that there is no plot worth salvaging once the mess is over.

----*

Today is Friday and I am going to watch Criminal Minds because it is addicting like that and I need to get out of bed. Reed! And his dorky lankiness! And their little psychological mindfucks!

And you know what would be a GREAT season ender for that show? Is if one of the criminals manages to fuck with all of their heads ala Death Note style and turns out to be an even greater behavior analyst than all of them combined, and nearly manages to kill the whole team off except when one of the team members goes TEMPORARILY INSANE and fucks up the psycho's plan AND THEN collapses in a nervous breakdown.

FUX. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.

-----*

On that romance novel I am reading (a.k.a. Regency Buck)

So yeah. I read it and managed to finish a third of it in an hour. It wasn't hard, despite my lack of knowledge as to what a phaeton is at the time and what exactly a cravat looks like, and it wasn't filled with as many disgusting situations as I thought (there was this once novel I read when I was 9, when the girl reporter nearly got raped by a man who was apparently her half brother, and was being seduced by the guy who was HER FATHER because of her young and virginal uterus and it was really one of those horrifying novels that I wonder how I ever managed to read). But the difficulty does not lie in the task, but in getting to start all over again. I just don't feel the need to pick the book up again because it's so OBVIOUS that Julian St John Audley has such a huge hard on for her even though she's such a tomboy and he's such a prick that it's become rather trite and boring.

I know they're going to get together. Big deal. Can someone please develop a split personality which will make this infinitely harder for them? I might read it just to see what Peregrine (the heroine's brother) gets into, but even that isn't driving me much.

And speaking of books, EWW BREAKING DAWN. The only thing nice about it is the design, and the only way I am ever going to buy that book is if someone stakes Edward through the boody heart and Bella does not become a vampire. My prejudice against the series knows no bounds.

Yesterday, my stat message was: Who watches the Watchmen? and Evan PMs me in the middle of my Warcraft session (I finally FINALLY defended Heartglenn and OMG 4 seconds remaining into the last half hour and they literally slaughtered my army into nothing but good thing the game didn't recognize it as a loss because UGH FUCK) and says 'Anlabo ng stat mo a.'

And I wanted to say, 'Not really. It's actually quite philosophical, if you think about how we are all constantly being watched, yet fail to realize that we've given people the power to KNOW about us but fail to monitor what they do with that knowledge." Or the shorter version, which is "Have some Watchmen, boy."

But all I said was the universal pacifier reply of LOL.

----*

Did you guys realize that novels have finally become equal in cost with graphic novels? Or is there a time warp existent in Powerbooks Greenbelt? Mothers, Monsters, Whores costs a freaking 1100 bucks and I was like "You're a paperback! You are supposed to be the easy and h0r-ish version of the hardcover! Why can I not buy you?!? WHO IS THE CAUSE OF THIS EPIC FAIL?!?"

----*

And more things that nobody but me cares about at this point in time:

On the Robins:
THEY'RE ALL ALIVE. *cheers*




I love the Batfamily.

And Robin 177 is out on August 20th.

I did not think it was possible but some totally insane blogger decided to put meaning *GASP* into the plot of Code Geass.

*hangs self*

Now, maybe it's because I'm reading too much DerailedbyDarry that the mere idea of Code Geass having any sort of meta blows my mind away but really, who can blame me? It's an anime with a harem cast and a harem plot when it isn't deciding to try and be the retarded younger sibling of Gundam (I refuse to draw any more similarities to the two because it would only be TOO EASY and would insult all the IQ that is currently pouring out of my ears). Code Geass brought me siscon, lolicon, BL (which I feel strangely conflicted over for some reason), table humping lesbians, moar incest than you can shake a stick at, cross-dressing, shota (oh Xing-ke. How the mighty have fallen) and terrorists (which seem completely bland in the face of everything else I've said).

With an anime that h0rs itself out like that, you don't try to make sense of it. You just don't. But Animachronism... social darwinism... Divine Comedy allusions (!!?!) and the most daring of all...making sense of Lulu's motivations.

I don't know whether I should applaud or cry.

I stopped trying to do that in Episode 5. We're already at Episode 13 and Shirley was maybe just killed by Rolo in a fit of jealous rage regarding his 'oniisan' after she confessed her undying love for him (Lulu). Yes. Sunrise cares not for the conflict of pronouns but after Gundam Wing, I'm not really surprised. But I digress. I have never watched an episode of Wing in my entire life and therefore cannot make aspersions at it's (supposed) dignity.

Now, was this a pointless rant? Yes and no. I just wanted to comment on Anachronism's Blog of Unbelievable Meta. Makes me almost want to create another blog where I just commentate on the anime I watch, because I am a hopeless loser like that. Because Jesus Christ, I'm 20 years old. One would think I'd be over watching animated shows by now. But I don't feel too bad because according to one of Derailed's followers, Jason is most probably in his mid-30's. So yeah, I have 15 years to get over my anime obsession.

Also, I have just noticed. If a pair of fanboys were to suddenly talk beside me like: "Tianzi's a DFC but I'd rather Lulu's siscon in a seifuku or Sayoko's perfect service, or even tsundere Kallen and Shirley simply because there is the possibility of Symmetrical Docking, yandere Nina, or even the Bridge Bunnies just because of the quantity..."

I'd understand. Seriously. But I don't know how a pair of girls would talk. Probably the BL would be obligatory at this point. But aside from that? I have nothing. Which leads me to make the assertion that the female half of the fanbase has no language of its own. What it gets is always a rundown from the male half of the fandom, and seriously, how messed up is that?

----*

And since we're on the topic of obsession, The Cab has a song. Featuring PATRICK STUMPH AND BRENDON URIE. I do not pretend to care about the song at this point in time. All I care about is that Patrick and Brandon Urie are this close to having a DUET together and the prospect in itself has me wiping drool from my keyboard. Patrick... Brendon... *slurps*

Here's a link if you're interested:

The Cab feat. Brendon Urie and Patrick Stumph - One of These Nights

The Cab, salivation aside, sounds like a female version of Paramore. Uhm. Okay. Can we have more Pretty. Odd. now?

----*

The only romance novel I will willingly touch at this point in time:

An Infamous War by Georgette Heyer

Because I think I have this anti-romance hag complex going on. And just to disprove myself (because I refuse to be blinded by my own biases) I will read this. But only this. Stephanie Meyer can still go to hell.

A Dance With Dragons is coming out, possibly, in September.

Because the Philippines is always delayed AT LEAST half a year when it comes to the release of new books. *grumbles*

Can't somebody just invent small scale teleportation already?

And speaking of books that I want

WHERE THE HELL IS THE MIRADOR?!? Corambis is coming out in 2009 and I had absolutely no luck catching even your shadow in the States, let alone here.

Another book I want but can't get my hands on:

Mothers, Monsters, Whores by Laura Sjoberg and Caron E. Gentry - Just the title makes me want to rub my palms and cackle madly in anticipation. YOU THINK YOU GET IT BUT YOU REALLY DON'T! KAKAKAKAKAKAKA.

----*

 If I find out that Stefan is actually NOT the reincarnation of Tylendel's soul 18 years after the events which caused the blasting open of Vanyel's Gifts, I WILL BE SEVERELY DISAPPOINTED WITH THE WORLD. You hear me, Lackey? SEVERELY DISAPPOINTED.

That is the only scenario which I can excuse this convoluted pedophilic farce of a relationship.

EDIT:
As usual, my Spidey senses are correct. Still, execution-wise, it just flopped.

1.
The heart is capable of sacrifice.
So is the vagina.

- The Vagina Monologues

2.
We found a refurbished Macbook Pro that costs $1450, as compared to the new one that at least costs $2000. My hearts completely set on buying it, and we NEARLY DID except that shipping time was problematic. MY BLOODY TEARS, LET ME SHOW YOU THEM.

I don't know WHY Anna and Ina are being such asses about me getting a Macbook Pro. It's weird that now, it suddenly feels like they gang up on me any chance they get. I nearly came close to screaming obscenities at them one time (SUCK MY DICK, BITCHES. SUCK. MY. DICK.) but I thankfully refrained from doing something I most probably would have regretted.

I know I'm jealous. I now that I am being replaced. It bothers me a lot because I don't know how to deal with this change in the status quo. It's even more pronounced right now, especially when it's just the three of us and there are situations wherein we have to pair off. I feel like somebody's leftovers. But aside from that? Nothing. I have absolutely no reason to want to keep my place as Anna's favorite sister or whatever. But knowing the reasons for feeling this way doesn't change how I feel. It's still hard, everything still sucks, and I want to go back to school so I don't have to deal with this anymore.

3.
Dad's theory:
We are a third world country because we don't have winter.

Some things I have learned while in Hawaii:

• It is useless to shop here.
• Beach > cellulite. No ifs or buts, apparently. Not even if your cellulite is as big as the whole of the island.
• It is not the Americans who keep Gucci and Louis Vuitton running. It is the Japanese.
• I want to visit a place that is not over-run by Koreans. Not that I don't like them or anything, but I'm tired of seeing them everywhere.

AND OMG.

What is possibly the mother of vampire crossover AUs.

After that whole Twilight fiasco, I am suddenly curious. AND LESTAT SHOWS UP. HOW CAN WE NOT LIKE THAT. LESTAT SHOWS UP.

I'm bored.

Gaddeymit.

On Crisis Core:
Crisis Core is sooooo not living up to my expectations. First of all, CISSNEI? Who are you? And Angeal? UGH. LEAVE ZACK ALONE. Sephiroth? Could you have gone crazy in a more believable manner? insanity is not like playing hopscotch. You don't just STEP on the right square and BOOM you're crazy. It doesn't work like that, yeah?

On KHR:
Gamma and Gokudera: It is not a fateful reunion if you've only met once before, no matter that you were both trying to kill each other.
Yamamoto: I squish you for not dropping Lal even though Gokudera offered to pull you up! :D
Irie: Less panicking more backbone now plz. I am growing quite annoyed with you.
Tsuna: Same as Irie.
Spanner: Get on with it already.
Byakuran and Mukuro: I refuse to believe that Mukuro is dead. Byakuran must have sealed him inside that cylinder thing so he couldn't escape and help Kyouya decimate the Millefiore forces. Oh and Mukuro? What's with the ponytail?
TYL people: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?

Also, all those Italian moves? SO BLEACH, only Bleach is in Spanish *eyeroll*.

On Tiny Titans:
I want Jason to show up NOW please. But Rose and Jericho WITH TEACHER SLADE  almost made up for it. Almost, mind you. I still want my frowny Robin trying to stomp on everyone within reach.
 
A Feast For Crows:
HMPH. Brienne? BRIENNE?!? BRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNEEEEEEEEEE!!

On dieting:
WHAT HAPPENED ISA LACUNA. WHAT HAPPENED.

Things that crossed my mind:

• The interior of Bruce's Batvan is Pimp Purple. Foreshadowing much?
  
• The manties finally make sense.
• Daddy Bats! AHAHAHAHAHAHA
• Why is Jason the smallest? Shouldn't that be Tim? But ADORABLE NONETHELESS. And he has the biggest car seat! And why is Dick frowning? That's JASON'S TRADEMARK.
  
• I just noticed that the seat belt buckles are branded. Bat-branded. XD

----*

Now, for the first time in the history of this blog, in an unanticipated turn of events which I never thought possible...

Finally coerced people to go to Serendra's Fully Booked and it was... disappointing, for reasons I can't quite explain. Actually, wait. I CAN.

It is not worth all the whining and the blackmailing I've had to do just to get there, is all. I have more orgasmic memories of Fully Booked Greenhills, since none of my hopes got dashed there and I found The Virtu there first.

And speaking of that particular series, I have already readied a trademark character scream whenever I reread it. It goes something like this:

"MILDMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

I was browsing through The Vampire Lestat a while ago, mostly because of Ali's most recent assignment and partly because I missed Lestat de Lioncourt and his whole band of rabble rousers (HA HA HA) and I can't believe I've forgotten just how MUCH this book means to me.

I had money. And about 2420 php later...


Obviously, there shall be an impending book sale just so that my book shelf does not crash beneath the weight of my whole life's reading.

If you see anything you like, go HERE and maybe we can talk about a discount or something.

001. I couldn't buy the Golden Compass today, so I'll have to buy the book early morning tomorrow so that I can finish it before watching the movie at 2, because I swear, just knowing the plot will totally ruin the book for me and I don't want that.

And speaking of books, I bought something by Goethe last Wednesday at Ateneo. I just wanted to see if he's worth all the fuss.

002. Sir Ali said something in class that I find I like to think about in my spare time. On the subject of being great designers (or was it passion? I forget, so I interchange), he said that when you are involved with design it has to be an immersion of your whole self. It's like when you are researching something you love. You don't just search for it on Wikipedia and then think you've understood everything there is to understand about it. On the contrary, you search for your original sources as much as possible, trawl through the information trove that is the Internet until you understand every obscure term even in your sleep, stalk people with connections, think about it every second you can,  and generally hoard information vertically and horizontally like it's the end of the world.

I know that feeling. There's is no period in my life wherein one way or another, I haven't been obsessed with something. A few years ago, I thought it was because I was a social escapist and refused to deal with all the stuff that was going down in my life, but maybe it wasn't escapism at all.

Maybe it was design.

HMMMMM.

003. I saw Melai this afternoon. We talked, and she says she's a little lost because she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. She says that she there's nothing she feels will maker her happy. I am reminded of the Ali conversation above, and it is then that I realize that not all people have this tendency to obsess.

Not all people know how to feel impassioned by the things around them.

And I realize I can't imagine living like that. Ang hirap gumising sa umaga nang wala kang inaabangan e.

004. I almost forgot.

Oh Riya.

It's very sad. I'm going through a phase that is equivalent to me dry humping Amazon.com. It's like I see books and I keep WANTING TO SPLURGE even though I have NOTHING TO SPEND and it makes me want to cry.

HUHUHU.

Feeling ko, pag uwi ko from the States, puro libro lang uuwi ko. HOW PATHETIC IS THAT.

----*

Wishlist:

Shadowplay - Tad Williams
The Last Herald Mages - Mercedes Lackey
The Fall of Kings - Ellen Kushner
Melusine - Sarah Monette
The Virtu - Sarah Monette
The Mirador - Sarah Monette
A Feast of Crows - George R.R. Martin
Fire From Heaven - Mary Renault
The Persian Boy - Mary Renault
The Funeral Games - Mary Renault
The Last of the Wine - Mary Renault

I will complete the wishlist later.

HanaKimi episode 8:
Peach. If you want my ass then you can have it.

HAHAHA POTIK.

----*

Meron na akong A Storm of Swords! Yay!